Monday, August 15, 2011

Why the Greats of Literature Never Got Laid

The Greats of Literature have a lot going for them, and seductive, romantic poetry that defies the boundaries of their period is one of their greatest virtues. Unfortunately, their revolutionary outlook probably did not help their love life even a little bit. 

John Donne, for example, trying to seduce a woman by saying that a parasitic insect already helped them exchange fluids.

This time-consuming, intellectual approach appeals to those ladies who will enjoy a good banter instead of a good romp in a hay field. Peasant Man knows better, and employs a well-placed pickup line.

Andrew Marvell tried to hurry his lady up by telling her a mortal's time is too short to play games. Romantic in spirit, only he got a little bit excited about some of his imagery. 


Shakespeare's sonnet 130 teaches us a lot about love in the modern era. But it's one of those lessons you like to appreciate when not directly applied to you.

William Shakespeare Sonnet 130

 And all of a sudden, Shakespeare's dark lady is on the prowl and single, likely to be drawn towards Peasant Man and his cliche but tried and tested lines. If the Literary Classics had stuck to the classics of pickup tricks, they probably would have produced more Little Literary Classics.